Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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