I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
