You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
