actually, I'm a sock model
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
