i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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