Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize