I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
