yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
