i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
