I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
