she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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