sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
