Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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