wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
