Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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