i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
