I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
