Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just pee around me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
