If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
