Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
