can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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