Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
