you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
