He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
