NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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