so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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