There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
