Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
