Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
