I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
