Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
