He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
