At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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