I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
