Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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