Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
