my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
