Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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