The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
