Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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