i need an iv and a liver transplant
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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