I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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