Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The uberlube is also flammable
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
