I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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