Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
