so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
