that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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