MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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