i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
These tits shall not be calmed
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