we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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