Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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