Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
