the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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