The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
