oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
