dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
