2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
