I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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