I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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