I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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