my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What a dumb baby whore.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
