and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
