Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
