i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
