Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
