Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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