my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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